nompumelelo mtshali
18 September 2022
Why I Stopped Being the "Nice Girl"

There was a lot of unlearning that had to be done.
Being a nice girl can weigh very heavily on you. Always being expected to act in a certain way and show up for everyone and everything.

When you are a nice girl as a child, you learn to take care of other people’s needs and happiness before your own.

It is a role that has been beautifully created by a society that can eat away at you. I honestly feel that I grew into this role, growing up I had to take the back seat. Being the first girl in an African family can be challenging. I had to take on a lot of responsibility at a young age. Not because my mom couldn’t it was a silent expectation that was put on me.

I was a people pleaser it affected all parts of my life relationships and professional life. I had to learn to stand up for myself.
As a nice girl, it was very difficult to set those boundaries. To Understand my limits and learn that it’s okay to say no.

As I got older I realized that the thank yours and the well-done that I would receive were not worth my peace of mind.
Forgive yourself and understand that it’s not your fault when things don’t go well and it’s not my responsibility to do something about it.

Setting boundaries is very important in relieving yourself of the nice girl role. Boundaries are crucial to your mental and emotional well-being. Being true to yourself and understanding that it is ok to say no. For me its be very difficult to set boundaries for my family. I hold them very dear to my heart so learning to set boundaries has been difficult.

You can set boundaries in many different ways, dedicating time to yourself, and decreasing the time that you are available for other people. The truth is that you cannot make people like you.
Working on my self-esteem by putting myself first and making the decision to shed away that niceness was deliberate.